Be The Field

 

drop

thirsty for a drop of
movement
a splash
onto my white
primer
a brush stroke
a swirl
a splat
a drop even

paint mesunset depth
like sky
with orange and blue and pink and green and purple and
violet and…
perspective and light and black and cloud and
depth

the sea rages on
churned red brown ocean
foams sepia
hurls herself at the sand
seaweed pulled piles
gasp and bubble

today in Texas
the hale was the size of grapefruit
ruby red splatters
fed
cracked hungry earth

Deepak Chopra says
“you are a field of all possibilities”

sea rages onfly with the birds
ride with the waves
dive with the dolphins
slurp up the brine
left on shore
let it spill over
drip down my chin
make a mess
of perfection

 

 

as I breathe in
I am the field
as I breathe out
of all possibilities

and the sky glows orange

morning meditationthis morning
during my meditation
focusing on my centering thought
          Through rest and play, I open my creative channel
focusing on my Sanskrit mantra

Om Anandham Nama
My actions are blissfully free from attachment to outcome

focusing on my breath
focusing
letting the thoughts float in and out
not serving them tea
focusing on relaxing
ignoring what she said
focusing on my breath
ignoring what I said
focusing too much
ignoring each click tick tick of my brain
tick
should I be working this hard
focusing?
my actions aren’t always blissfully free from attachment to outcome
I’m plugged in
to the outcome
I’m plugged in
to how I’m getting me there
I’m plugged in
unconscious even
someone or something or both
have more of me then I’m willing to give

I need that back
that piece of me
I’ve given away to
her
them
the giggle
gaggle
of women men groups others
that piece I’ve given away
I’d like that back please

thank you

cloud flyIt’s time to
peel myself away

I open the door
The smell of cut grass and wet earth
washes over me
I bend
into myself
I flip outside
upside-down
into the day

I grab a tree branch
trapeze myself
somersault
up
to land
cordless on the lift of cloud

I look down

No line
No note
No tone
No chord

Just my song

Bye-bye
I sing
Bye-bye
Bye-bye

Sweet crazy swirling
velvet sky stretch me humble and whole

happy cartwheel slices
I am unrestrained, unbowdlerizedand the sky glows orange
gritty open soft
pulling sweet
coursing through my own arteries capillaries veins
streams of me
flowering creative flushing flows of me
whistling energy surging gushes of me
painting the sky
purple red blue pink green

Below
I catch
in the corner of my eye
a frayed line spark

and the sky glows
orange

Happy Birthday

It’s my birthday. I’m 49. WOW.

I don’t know what this is ‘supposed’ to feel like, this age. I just know how I feel.

Time is so hard to pin down, determine, define.  Not to define in science, just in a living, breathing, human way.  How to wrap it all up and take it all in…

Time

Wraps around me,
a mist
old familiar scent
that I know
but can’t quite place
ethereal
adrift
in an ocean of
moments, minutes, heartbeats,
watery sepia shots
smiles
tears
joy
love
sadness
loss
Moment by moment
Minute by minute
Year by year
Breath by breath
Heartbeat by heartbeat
Cryptic and true
He delivers on his promises

I feel free. More and more free. Non-apologetic, grounded, happy. It hasn’t happened overnight, this feeling of just being. I have been ‘trying’ for many years, I don’t try anymore. I do, I create, I live, I AM.

I am being. My life is something I am living, not building, or planning, I am being in it, living and breathing in it, my life.  I AM in my life.  I have let it wash over me like the ocean. I dove into the cool water, blue and green and deep, my life.

Life
my ocean
powerful
benevolent
dark and brooding
bright and pleasing
calm and raging
invigorating
defiant
stimulating
choppy and calm

I leapt, soared, dove
Heart First
with a happy splash

Ever moving
Ever changing
Ever being in the moment

 

Happy Birthday to Me.  Happy Life to us all!

August 11, 2012

Our Wedding Cake, BUT the best cake ever!!!